


*hic*

by mistressterably



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 19:16:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4448927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistressterably/pseuds/mistressterably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another tumblr anon prompt: <br/>The Doctor is drunk at UNIT headquarters, with Kate and Clara trying to contain him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	*hic*

Sirens began to sound. Someone or something had broken into the Black Archive. Kate was striding quickly through the corridor towards the now-sealed doors. Guards stood at the door, ready with rifles sighted on whatever may try to escape. 

'Shut those alarms off!' Kate barked to an aide who had been trotting behind her. She called out the voice activated unique code words that unsealed the doors. Keys in hand she approached the door, listened closely but heard only muffled noises. They didn't sound threatening but there certainly should not be anyone in the Archives. 

Guards tensed in readiness as she unlocked the door. With the soundproofed doors swinging open the noise morphed into the off tune wailing of a voice trying to sing... something. 

'London calliiiiiiiiiiiiiiing..' 

Kate's eyes bugged out at the sight of the Doctor, lanky and wobbling about with Clara trying to stop him flailing about with exaggerated air guitar moves. 

'What on Earth?' Kate asked, trying to comprehend what she was seeing. The TARDIS was parked at a near perfect 20degree angle against the far wall of the large room. 

'Kate! I'm so glad to see you!' Clara asked, the relief palpable in her voice. 

'What is wrong with him?' 

'Kate, ah, Kate! You absolutely faaaaaaabulous, sexy... sciency woman you!' The Doctor slurred out the compliment as he toppled his way towards her. A flask was clutched in one hand as his other one made to hold himself up against an invisible wall. Clara was only just able to clutch at his jacket to stop him falling over in a heap. 

'He is drunk!' Clara said. 'I have no idea what it is he's drinking but we were at a market, he found this bottle and was like a giant kid in a candy store. Had to buy it. As soon as we were in the TARDIS, he took a gulp and set teh TARDIS in motion. NExt thing I know he's doing some weird waltzing jig around the console adn up and down the steps and then we're crashing here.'

'This room is supposed to be TARDIS proof.' Kate reminded her. 'How did he get past that.'

'It's TARDIS proof but not drunk idiot Doctor proofed! Help me!' He was back to his flailing air guitar and belting out some other song, Kate thought it sounded like some Bowie song but she couldn't make it out at all. He bounced into a table and was toppling backward right into Clara. 

In a heap of arms, legs and bits and bobs falling out of his jacket pockets, the two of them wound up on the floor. Clara was struggling to get the Doctor off the top of her. 'You're too heavy! Get off!' 

Kate came over, grabbed the Doctor's hand and easily hauled him back onto his feet and off Clara. 'He's drunk??'

'Yes!' Clara was back on her feet and straightening her skirt and top. 'And he's being absolutely impossible to handle. Doctor! Get away from that!'

'Doctor!' Kate turned and dashed over to stop him picking up some rifle off a shelf. 'Put that down!' She plucked it from his hands.

'Jus' wannaaaa play!' He launched into another round of air guitar. 'Another brick innnnn tha wallllllll.'

'Oh good grief!' Kate winced at the noise. 'Can you just lip sync with your air guitar, Doctor?'

He stopped suddenly, blinked at her furiously and then scowled owlishly at Kate. 'ART! It's art! You!' He staggered up to her and attempted to poke her in the shoulder but missed to hit her chest. 'Are an artless heathen!'

'And you,' Kate got in his face for a moment until she caught a whiff of the drink and then tottered back away. 'Are drunk.'

'Am no' drunk.' He countered and quickly took another gulp from the flask. Nothing more came out so he lifted it up to squint into the dark bottle. 'No' drunk.. still thirsty. Hey!' He turned to Clara. 'Stairway to heaven! Slow daaaaaaaaaaaance time!'

Clara gulped at the thought of him treading on her feet with his large boots. 'No, I'm fine. Really.' 

'How about some coffee, Doctor?' Kate asked, trying to turn his attention elsewhere.

His eyes widened. 'Ooooh, yeah! Good thick stick to your tongue Debendian espresso. Wire you up for a week after a cup! Think of the running you can do on that, Clara! Yeah!'

'Coffee then.' Clara agreed and got behind the Doctor to push him in the direction that Kate was leading them, out of the Archive to head towards a nearby cafeteria. 

'Red light! There's a red light!' He pointed at the light above the door. 'Rooooooooooooxaaaaaane!' 

Both women groaned. 

Passing by a fire alarm the Doctor reached out and was a hair from pulling it but Clara caught him suddenly, causing him to trip and stumble forward to run into Kate's back. It was her turn to topple under his weight. Again, the two of them managed to get him to his feet. 

Averting a few more disasters, they got to the cafeteria, forced him to sit down. Easier to let him use the table top as a drum kit to some other rock song, Kate got a carafe of coffee and a large mug. 'Here we go, Doctor. Nice strong Debenwhatever coffee just for you. Drink up!' She winked at Clara who gave her a quizzical look. Kate mimicked dropping something extra into the coffee and Clara bit back her laugh. 

The Doctor, gazing into the cup for a minute,dunked his finger all the way in despite the hot liquid and drew it back out, sucking loudly on his finger. 'No' strong 'nuff.'

'It gets thicker the more you drink,' Clara lied.

'Mkay!' He had to grab the cup in both hands and downed it in a few gulps. Just as Kate was about to refill it, he burped loudly. ''S good. Ver' goo......' THUMP. His head practically bounced as it hit the table top, the mug went toppling across the table and then he began to snore.

'Oh, thank goodness.' Clara sighed. 

'Let's get his sozzled Time Lordship off to one of the dorms and he can sleep this off. I'll rip a few strips off him when he's sober. I really hope he gets hangovers like humans.' Kate said, grumbling.


End file.
